An important aspect of my recovery is to be open and honest about my past struggles with alcohol. So, when people learn this about me, they often ask me how to know if you have a drinking problem. There is no simple answer, and when someone asks this question, I do not attempt to pry any information out of them about their drinking. I do not ask for what is not freely given. I certainly didn’t want anyone preaching to me about quitting when I drank, so I answer their question carefully without making assumptions. However, I understand what they are looking for; if there is a line to be crossed and when to know they have crossed it. I tell them that alcohol addiction is about patterns and loss of control. If a person wants to know of this boundary, then these are the basic questions to ask themselves:
Does alcohol or other addiction issues run in your family? How does alcohol affect you both mentally and physically? Do you have trouble limiting your intake? Do you spend a lot of time thinking about alcohol? Is it starting to interfere with your life? Do you make rules about alcohol that you cannot adhere to? Do you turn to alcohol to solve emotional issues? Are you having trouble finding any joy outside of drinking? Do you drink alone?
In this article I will go over and each and every one of these questions to help you understand your relationship with alcohol better. I will use my own experiences as a former heavy drinker to expand upon them.
Culture of Drinking
So, if you have come here wondering how to know if you have a drinking problem, this is a good place to start. First, I cannot be the one to tell you, for sure, if you have a problem. It has to be you. However, you might want to pay close attention to why you are asking this question in the first place. Second, according the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics, 6.7 percent of people in the U.S. will experience Alcohol Use Disorder(AUD) in their lifetime. So if you are developing a problem with alcohol, you are not alone.
Alcohol is firmly entrenched into western culture. It’s everywhere you look; commercials, sporting events, concerts, billboards. It’s celebrated so much that it is synonymous with celebration. Businesses thrive off it. It is so lucrative that they create businesses for the sole purpose of creating spaces for people to drink. It is so commonplace that when you tell someone you don’t drink, they look shocked as if there was something seriously wrong with you. Is it any wonder that many of us come to a point in our lives where we worry if we might have a problem with alcohol? The patterns are evident all around us, so it is time to look at those patterns within yourself.
How to Know if You Have a Drinking Problem
Before I begin, I think the best place to start this conversation is a suggestion; you should really consider taking a break from alcohol while you are trying to figure this out. You will need a clear mind to do this and if you are actively drinking, you are not of the most sound mind. It could be that you are surrounded by chaos, and alcohol tends to exacerbate this chaos.
Attempting to stop drinking for the time being is going to tell you a lot about your situation. If you decide to take a month off of drinking, but cannot keep to this, then the answer is clear. However, if this is the case for you, that you cannot stop drinking then do not despair. AUD lies on a spectrum, and just because you are having trouble with alcohol right now, does not mean this will be the case for the rest of your life. Still, it is important that you face what is in front of you right now. Let’s start with your family.
Does Alcohol Abuse and Other Addictions Run in the Family?
If this is the case for you, then it does not, in any way, mean you are destined to become a problem drinker. Keep this in mind, however, according to the Los Angeles Department of Health(LADH) an individual whose family experiences alcohol addiction are “…about four times more likely than the general population to develop alcohol problems”. In other words, if one or both parents suffer from AUD, then the likelihood of you developing the same problem increases exponentially.
I have described my battle with alcohol addiction as a massive boulder sitting in the middle of the road I was speeding upon with my eyes closed hoping to evade it. My father struggled with alcohol throughout his 20’s. Every uncle from both sides of my family drank in excess. I have cousins who struggle with drinking. Drinking was written into the code of my family’s DNA. It has been present in the culture of my family as well as in our blood for generations.
How I knew I had a Drinking Problem: The Slippery Slope
The first time I got drunk was a revelation. It was magical. It had the power to erase fear, shame, frustration, and boredom. While my family has a long history of alcohol abuse, it is spare of recovery. No one in my family had dug beneath the surface of their addiction to explain the many tragedies and the trajectory of how we came to be at a place as this. I didn’t know this was to be my destiny if I chose to drink and I hope to change that for the next generation. However, I do not blame anyone in my family for I know they tried their best. I am thankful for this experience in recovery. It has helped me understand my family better and because of that, understand myself in the process.
So, if you are worried you might have a problem, study your family closely and as objectively as you can. If your family is wrought with people whose lives have been upended by alcohol, then realize that the same thing could happen to you. The first thing to be cognizant of is how alcohol affects you and your family.
How Does Alcohol Effect You Both Mentally and Physically?
A landmark study from McGill University in 1990 regarding the inherited predisposition for alcoholism found that the study’s participants, young men whose fathers were alcoholics, were effected by alcohol differently than most people. Instead of having a sedating effect, these men experienced alcohol as a psycho-motor stimulant. Meaning that the more these men drank, the more stimulated and excited they became.
This is exactly what happened to me the very first time I got drunk. The more I drank, the better I felt. I became euphoric, active and excitable. I believe this is proof that I am genetically predisposed to AUD. This is why I was never able to stop at just one drink. I was caught in what is known as a “positive feedback loop”. However, even if you do not have a family history of alcohol abuse, this is something to look out for.
Even if you do not experience alcohol as a type of stimulant, watch out for other phenomena when you drink. Do you regularly “blackout”? A blackout is when the function of your brain that retains memory is shut off temporarily by alcohol’s effects. Do other people tell you that you act as if you are another person altogether when you get drunk? These are also signs that alcohol has a dangerous effect on you and it is something to ponder while you take a break from alcohol. Really focus on what these things could mean for your safety and the safety of others around you.
Now, about that positive feedback loop…
Do You Have Trouble Limiting Your Alcohol Intake?
Earlier I referred to addiction as patterns and loss of control. Are you unable to stop at just one drink? If you cannot stop at just one drink then this is not only a pattern but also loss of control. Now, let me be clear, this does not mean you have a problem, but it is an early sign and pattern that alcohol affects you in a way consistent with those of us who suffer from AUD. It is a sign that you may be predisposed to drink uncontrollably.
I was a person, and most likely still am, who could not stop at one drink. However, my older sister, who drinks on rare occasions, has told me that she too feels stimulated and euphoric when she drinks, but is always able to stop after one or two drinks. She is very aware of our family’s history of alcohol abuse, and tells me she is scared to continue on after feeling slightly inebriated. So, I think it is possible for someone who is predisposed to AUD to stop at just one or two drinks. However, if you cannot stop drinking until you are drunk then this is clear sign that the line to be crossed into problem drinking could be right around the corner.
The Slippery Slope
You can think of this as a slippery slope that you are already climbing upon. If you cannot stop at one drink, and the effects of alcohol are euphoric, then how easy is it to begin to rely upon it alcohol when times get tough? This is how it worked for me. I began to drink anytime I felt uncomfortable and the more I did it, the stronger the urge to drink became. This is because I was wiring my brain to drink every time I felt a certain way. If I was anxious and didn’t want to face the reason behind it, I drank. If I was angry at someone and didn’t want to confront them, I drank. Because of this cycle I became obsessed with drinking.
Do You Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About Alcohol?
Have you become obsessed with alcohol? I am not talking about being excited about an upcoming trip you and your friends take to Cancun every year. I am talking about thinking of or day dreaming about alcohol multiple times a day. It is when alcohol has become a focal point of your thoughts and actions. If all of the plans you make for the weekend and time off involves drinking and you spend a lot of your time thinking about these events, then it sounds like an obsession.
If you spend hours out of the week thinking about alcohol then take some time to really ponder why this is. Are you avoiding something? Do you feel you have nothing else to look forward to? Think about other things you could accomplish and plan out if you spent that time thinking of ways to improve yourself or to make a situation better. Think of it this way; your thoughts become your reality.
When I began my recovery process, the idea of a higher power, something bigger than me, seemed foreign. Not because I couldn’t imagine a God or could not appreciate the ocean, but nothing seemed bigger than my problem with alcohol. I couldn’t see why I had to establish a higher power in order to recover. It eventually occurred to me that my higher power, since high school, was alcohol. I thought about it all the time and went out of my way to get it. It got in the middle of my relationship, work, and dreams. I focused on it more than I focused on myself or anything else. My obsession became my reality and it slowly began to interfere with my personal growth.
Is Alcohol Beginning to Interfere with Your Life
If alcohol is beginning to interfere with your life then it time to realize that if there is a line to be crossed, this may be it. Again, we are looking for patterns here. If you call in sick on a Monday because Sunday got a little out of hand, and this is a rarity for you, then I am not talking about this. However, if you are calling in sick multiple times a month because you are hungover, then it is clearly interfering with your life. If you are canceling plans with close friends and family either because you are too hungover or because you would rather drink, alcohol has become more important than living your life.
Alcohol interfered with every aspect of my life for over two decades. I called in sick, or I showed up barely able to do my job. I had to rely on painkillers, coffee, gum and cologne just to be somewhat effective at my job. Every romantic relationship I had fell apart largely due to my drinking. I blew off interviews for better jobs and I let great opportunities pass me by because alcohol was more important than anything else. Over time I thought I was stuck because I was somehow defective, stupid or a loser. Only after it was too late did I think “maybe my drinking is the problem”.
The Slippery Slope
Let me be clear, I am very aware that I was the problem. Alcohol never poured itself down my throat. However, if I was able to stop drinking then my life would have been much better in my 20’s and 30’s. If you let alcohol interfere with just one aspect of your life, if you are not careful it will slowly enter into other aspects until it swallows you whole. One of the best indicators that alcohol has sunk its talons into you is when you have to make rules around your drinking that you cannot follow.
Do You Make Rules Around Drinking That You Cannot Adhere to?
Many people come to a point in their lives when they realize alcohol is interfering with important aspects of their lives. It is only rational to make rules for yourself so you can mitigate the damage, but still drink when it’s appropriate. If you have come to a point where you must make rules around your drinking, but cannot keep to these rules, ask yourself why this is. If these new rules were put in place to correct a pattern of problem drinking, but you are unable to stop alcohol from interfering with your life then it is time to be completely honest with yourself.
Throughout my life as a problem drinker I made and broke more rules than I can count. If I began calling in sick more often from drinking in excess during the week then I would make a rule to only drink on Friday nights and Saturdays. I could drink all night Friday and all day Saturday. That’s a 38 hour window to drink until my liver cried in agony. I could do this anywhere from two weeks to a month.
The first couple of weeks would be easy, but then I’d start searching for loopholes. If I had a three day weekend coming up, then congratulations to me, I had an extra 24 hours to abuse myself. Then I would begin to give myself leeway for special events like the Superbowl or Halloween. I’d tell myself “I’ve been doing great, so being hungover just this once at work will be fine. It’s not like I ever do this anyway!”
The Slippery Slope
Before I knew it, I would be drinking on a Thursday night because hey, tomorrow is Friday! Just one day of hell at work isn’t going to kill me. Eventually, since I already broke all the rules, no more rules. After an intense month of drinking, I’d be right back on the rules wagon, only to repeat this over and over until I finally quit.
This sounds as terrible as it was to live through it. So, if you make rules to limit your drinking but constantly find loopholes to break these rules, then it is possible that a line has been crossed. If this is something you are just now noticing about yourself then take heed. I am not implying that this is only going to get worse for you, but know that it could. If you can be mindful of when you are doing this, pay close attention to your emotional state.
Do You Turn to Alcohol to Solve Emotional Issues?
This is another case of being caught on a slippery slope. The deeper you slip, the harder it is to climb out of. It is so easy to begin to rely on alcohol to get through difficult times. It works, or at least it seems like it does. Drinking away the pain of a breakup or the loss of a loved one can seem harmless, but you are actually interfering with your ability to process emotions. I am not talking about a friend taking you out for drinks when you are feeling low. As long as you wake up the next day and face what is in front of you, you’ll get through it. Again, I am talking about patterns.
I have written many times before about using alcohol to manage your emotions. I should know, I did it for years. While it seems like you are handling these emotions by drinking, you’re actually just kicking the can down the road. The feeling you are trying to suppress does not go away, not until you deal with it. Not until you feel it and let it pass. The more emotions you suppress with alcohol, the weaker your ability to deal with life gets. In essence, you stop growing emotionally and spiritually. The longer you do it, the weaker you get. Worse, the pain you have not dealt with is still there.
The Slippery Slope
I did this at an early age before I discovered the warm blanket of alcohol’s effect. Drinking was beautiful in this way. I drank away heartbreak, embarrassment, anxiety, depression, responsibility; anything I didn’t want to feel, only to wake up the next day and have them all waiting for me at my bedside. In recovery I’ve had to face all of it. After 18 months of sobriety I still have work to do.
If you are drinking away your pain, know that it doesn’t relieve that pain, but keeps it locked away inside of you. Face it now before there is real damage. Therapy, hypnosis, exercise, journaling, and even confiding in someone trustworthy are all better means of release than alcohol. Alcohol does not simply numb the pain, it will numb everything about you when it is abused.
Do You Have Trouble Finding Joy Outside of Drinking?
If the only joy you experience is alcohol then regardless of problem drinking, there is clearly a problem. If this is a new phenomenon for you, that you drink in excess to find joy, ask yourself how long you have been feeling joyless. It is likely you are experiencing depression. I am not, in any way, authorized to speak of treatment for depression. If you have not developed a pattern of drinking to feel joy then most likely a line has not been crossed. Still, there is a problem and you should seriously consider finding help and speaking to someone who can assist you.
At the bottom of this page is a link to The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. They have many helpful programs for any age and any income so please check with them if you believe you are experiencing depression.
The Slippery Slope
If you have developed a pattern of drinking joy into your life, then all is not lost. I did this for years – decades even. I have been able to overcome this by stopping this pattern and admitting to myself that I had a problem. Making the decision to stop drinking forever is one of the primary reasons I am still sober today. However, one of the biggest reasons it took me so long to quit is that I couldn’t imagine a life without drinking. In other words, I couldn’t imagine a life without joy. This was a distortion of reality though. I know this now. Continually drinking to mask your pain is not joy, it is a salve.
Imagine a time when you were injured and had to take pain medication just to get through the day. Sure, there is a major relief when the pain is subsided. But, if the choice was up to you, which would you prefer; masking the pain with medication, or to get better? Drinking to feel joy is not happiness. Find the underlying reasons for your pain and face them one at a time. Here is a link to another blog post about the root of addiction.
And finally…
Do You Drink Alone?
This was my favorite way to drink. I was perfectly fine sitting at a bar alone and I especially loved sitting at home and drinking at my desk or in front of the TV. I didn’t have to entertain anyone and didn’t have to compromise how I wanted to drink. But the reality of why I preferred to drink alone was that I could not sit alone with myself in peace. I could not handle the incessant chatter in my head. The shame I carried with me at all times drove me to isolation, but that shame only compounded when I was alone. To drink alone was to finally be at peace.
If you are asking how to know if you have a drinking problem then this is a clear line. Of course, as always, I am talking about patterns. If you enjoy a night cap before the day ends and you are able to stop at one drink then perhaps this is fine. If you are able to do this without withdrawing from your life then it can be assumed you have not crossed that line. However, if you present other signs on this list and find that it is becoming a pattern for you then it could be time to reassess why you drink alone.
While drinking can be a way for a person to unwind, it can just as easily be a cry for help. Are you drinking to escape the chatter in your head? Does the drinking numb you from feeling depressed and anxious? If you answered yes to these questions then ask yourself this: If I have to drink just to be okay when I am alone with myself, then what does that say for my future?
The Slippery Slope
As I mentioned in the previous section, drinking is not a means to an end. It will not solve anything, only push the problem down the road. All problems can be overcome with the right tools and guidance. If you have made it this far in life then it means you are a survivor. If you prefer to drink alone, cannot stop at one drink, and are becoming isolated, the time is now to make a change.
How To Know If You Have a Drinking Problem
Everyone is different. I have close friends who regularly drink and it does not interfere with their lives. Some people can enjoy drinking and have the ability to stop drinking when they want to. AUD lies on a spectrum, it is up to you to find out if you are on the spectrum and if so, where.
If you are asking how to know if you have a drinking problem then it starts with these questions: Does your family drink and what happens to you when you drink? Can you control your drinking and how often do you think about alcohol? It is interfering with your life and can you keep to the rules you created around drinking? Do you turn to alcohol to run from your feelings and how often do you drink alone? Finally, if you are trying to stop drinking but can’t, know that help is always close by.
Every link supplied below can lead you to get help if help is what you need. The most important takeaway is to be mindful of your drinking if you believe it could lead to future problems. Know why you are drinking and know yourself. Thank you for making it this far in what has become a long article. Also, consider subscribing to this blog by clicking on the “newsletter” button at the bottom of this page. Take care, and thank you for reading. I hope this has been helpful.
References:
Alcohol Abuse Statistics(2020): National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics https://drugabusestatistics.org/alcohol-abuse-statistics
Family History of Alcoholism: Are You at Risk?(2005) Los Angeles County Department of Health: https://dmh.lacounty.gov/our-services/employment-education/education/alcohol-abuse-faq/family-history
Pihl RO, Peterson J, Finn P. Inherited Predisposition to Alcoholism: Characteristics of Sons of Male Alcoholics. Abnormal Psychology(1990) https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.99.3.291
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SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration