Apparently the term is no longer “alcoholism” but “alcohol use disorder”(AUD) when speaking of someone addicted to alcohol. I can now say that I am not an alcoholic but suffer from alcohol use disorder. I think I prefer alcoholic. Sure, there is a nasty stigma around the word “alcoholic”. It harkens us back to a time when people would disapprovingly stare and whisper about so and so and how they’re embarrassing their entire family with their alcoholism. It was a point of shame and was used as a weapon by society. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to admit to your family that you’re an alcoholic.
Perhaps it’s better to tell them you suffer from AUD. But does it really matter? Even if you tell them you suffer from AUD, if they want to be an asshole about it they’ll still think you’re an alcoholic. I understand why someone felt it was necessary to change the terminology. Alcohol use disorder implies victimhood whereas alcoholism implies lack of willpower. And this is my issue with AUD, is that for me, it takes away accountability. If I am the victim of alcohol then I have no power. I cannot walk around feeling sorry for myself AND fight my disease. Because yes, it is a disease. Alcohol not only affects me differently than non-alcoholics, but it’s also legal, readily available everywhere, and normalized.
According to a 1990 study at McGill University that studied alcohol use in young men whose fathers were alcoholics showed that for many of the participants, alcohol worked as a motor stimulant. That may sound unsurprising until you realize that alcohol is a depressant. It is supposed to have a sedative effect on people. Alcoholics are thought to have an allergy to alcohol, meaning alcohol effects them(us) differently than other people. Therefore, at best it is a disorder, and worst it is a disease.
Of course, you could argue this point all day, it doesn’t change the fact that some people think alcoholism as a dirty weakness. And you can change the name to AUD, but they’ll still think you’re an alcoholic. This is why I prefer alcoholic over alcohol use disorder. I can own it. Yes, I am predisposed to alcohol abuse. However, I am doing everything I can to stay away from it. The power is within me. Besides, I cannot control what others will think about me. I have spent my entire life worrying about what people would think if they found out I was an alcoholic. I could intellectualize how silly it was to fear what others thought, but I still worried about it far too much.
That’s probably why I favor alcoholic over alcohol use disorder. Most alcoholics I know have suffered from shame, and that’s why it is so hard for us to admit we have a problem. The shame feels like it is too much to bear. However, once you begin to admit you’re an alcoholic, the shame begins to slowly wear off. This is not true for everyone, but I have seen it happen in myself as well as in others. The more honest you are with yourself, the more honest you become with the world. With honesty comes not caring as much about what others think about you. There is so much power in it. Sure, I still find myself caring too much of other’s opinions, but its nowhere near as bad as it was.
On the flip side, if I were to tell people I had alcohol use disorder, it implies I am the victim of circumstance. The shame will still be there, accept now I am not owning my condition. In a way, my condition owns me. A big part of recovering from alcoholism is to take responsibility for the few things we can control and letting go of everything else. It is a program designed to show the alcoholic that they have all the control as long as they do not take that first drink. It is a program that restores not only the confidence in oneself, but the confidence of their loved ones as well.
If I tell you I’m an alcoholic that means I let go of wanting to control the narrative of my life to others. It means I am free from the prison of the opinions of others. Only I can live my life, therefore I am the only one whose opinion should matter. If I am ethical and honest, then I have nothing to worry about. I am trying my best to be both honest and ethical, and though I do not contain within me complete confidence, I feel I am getting closer. So, I will not say I have alcohol use disorder. I am fine with being an alcoholic. Because either way, that stigma around the word alcoholic does not stem from the word. It’s because there are assholes who are convinced that neither alcoholism nor AUD is a disease. They think you are weak.
So they can think whatever shitty thing they want about me. These people tend to have lots of opinions on lots of things that don’t pertain to them. It doesn’t mean it’s true and it really, really doesn’t matter.
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