Recovery and sobriety are not the same thing. However, without sobriety there can be no recovery. It took me a long time to learn this, and whatever I know right now about recovery only scratches the surface. In the beginning I had no idea what recovery meant, but I knew what being sober was. I had no experience with being sober but I knew it meant not drinking and not taking drugs. The idea is really simple and perhaps because of its simplicity makes it one of the hardest things an alcoholic or addict can do. So, at 202 days sober, here is everything I have done to stay sober:
Everything I Have Done to Stay Sober 1: Hypnotherapy and the APM
Perhaps the most important thing I ever did at the start of my sobriety is ask for help. First you learn you need help. Then you learn that you need all the help you can get and that its readily available, but it starts with that first step. I reached out to a hypnotherapist who is also a certified drug and alcohol counselor. My counselor introduced me to the singular most important idea that I learned in early sobriety โ that I have an alcoholic living in my head. From there I developed my own method of fighting urges I call the alcoholic personality method. By using this method I was able to completely rid myself of urges through my first 100 days of sobriety. My counselor also convinced me to join a 12 step program.
Everything I Have Done to Stay Sober 2: Joined a 12 Step Program
APM might have been the most important thing for me remaining sober in early sobriety, but joining a 12 step program was by far the most important regarding my recovery. This is also not to speak of how effective it has been at curbing my urges to drink(more on that later). I know, no one wants to join a 12 step. Trust me, neither did I, but I am so happy I did. Read about it here. The program was a natural cure for a hallmark of alcoholism; isolation. I was terribly lonely. But the more I went into those rooms, the more honest I became. The more honest I became the more I began to like and trust others within the group and the more Iโve come to trust myself.
After 100 days of sobriety I was struck with severe depression. I was on my way to the grocery store when the thought of relapse hit me harder than it ever had. I was truly worried I would go drink, but the thought of having to go and tell all these wonderful people in my meetings that I relapsed was too much to bear. That made me realize how good I was doing. So, instead of relapsing I ate sugary treats and the urge eventually passed.
Everything I Have Done to Stay Sober 3: Living One Day at a Time.. Sometimes One minute
During that deep depression I often thought of relapsing. At the worst of it I had to readjust my thinking. I stopped worrying about long term sobriety and only focused on that day. Just get through the day. On one particular day I had to re-readjust my thinking to simply get through one minute at a time. That was the goal. Eventually the feeling passed and I realized I had been running from my emotions.
I was afraid of facing my depression so I was busying myself. I busied my mind to not think about my depression as if it would naturally fade, but it wasnโt fading. My mind wanted to do what it had always done to fight my depression and that was to drink about it. After making it through a few weeks of โone day at a timeโ I was able to sit with my depression. It hurt, but it was not going to kill me. Once I realized I could handle it and that depression is just a part of my life story, the fog lifted.
Everything I Have Done to Stay Sober 4: Journaling
Journaling has been a twofold gift. On the one hand it keeps me accountable for my sobriety. On the other hand, it keeps me accountable in my recovery or otherwise my emotional sobriety. Going to meetings and sharing is huge, but to be able to sit down and express what I am feeling on a given day about my sobriety has been life altering. I have learned so much about myself since I started this journal. For years I had kept a general journal about my life, but to turn a focus on my sobriety has really helped me enjoy the journey.
Before this I was goal oriented โ in love with the goal, but I wasnโt living in the present. My mind was always onto the next sober milestone and what might come in the future. Journaling has made me stop and really appreciate all I am doing for myself. I am learning about myself and how my mind works – becoming more patient with me and others. I know that if I have a drink, it will all go away, or at least it could go away. That’s a risk I cannot take.
Finally, journaling has let me verbalize some of the more vaguely lit reaches of my mind when it comes to my recovery. I have been able to fully understand what a higher power means to me and what it means to keep my recovery the most important thing in my life.
Everything I Have Done to Stay Sober 5: Meditating
This can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Early in sobriety I learned transcendental meditation. It is a form of effortless meditation that has led me to a more peaceful state of mind overall. For years prior I practiced mindfulness. Though its benefits are undeniable, it was hard for me to relax my mind. With TM, that is no longer an issue.
Either way, learning to be present helps you be in touch with how your body feels. Being anxious is one thing, but to be able to feel the anxiety is another. If you can sense the anxiety within your body then learning to focus on that anxiety will lessen its damage. Being mindful was also one of the key skills I had at developing APM. By being able to locate the stress within my body I could calm myself down and with it the urge to drink.
Everything I Have Done to Stay Sober 6: Learning to be Social Again
In my drinking heyday, I believed myself to be highly social. The only problem was is that I needed alcohol to do it. After alcohol thoroughly ruined my life, I could not rely on it any longer. Not that it was working anymore anyways! By going to meetings and doing fellowship, I have begun to learn how to be myself without the performance aspect of liquor. It is taking me a while to be comfortable in my own skin and I am still learning. But I find myself being less critical about how I interact with people. I am still a bit awkward but far less than I used to be. I am starting to realize I am an interesting guy with something of value to share.
Fellowship, by the way, is a term used for hanging out with fellow recovering alcoholics outside of meetings. In the past few months I have been to a friendโs sober anniversary potluck party, gone to see so many movies both new and old, and been to just about every diner known to man near all of my meetings. I also went to my favorite bar sober which ended up being a blast.
Showing Up for Myself
Though I am sure there are more things that have kept me sober, these have been the cornerstone of my journey. They have become a fixture in my life. Because of this I have found a completely new outlook on life. I feel hopeful for the future and I feel like I can handle situations that would have been unthinkable as a drinker. All of these things I do for me. I do them for me so that I can be useful to others, something I didnโt feel like I was when I was trapped in a booze filled fog for 25 years. It has not been easy, but these are the things that have kept me sober and sane; a sanity unknown to me prior till now. I hope this has been helpful.
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